self love detox

Self Love Detox

A mission started in January 2019 by Ana Louise Bonasera a mother of four boys and body positivity activist. After a long journey to honouring her 'flaws' and making peace with her mum body she thought she had found self love. Christmas 2018 her mental health was noticeably shaky and she realised that she had stopped talking negatively about her body, but not about who she is..."you're a bad mother...you're stupid...you're so unorganised" she was still emotionally abusing herself just in a different way. And out of the fire the Self Love Detox was worn to spread the word of self love through mind, body and soul.

Our mission to empower women to honour their 'flaws' and rule their clothes with confidence.

12/11/2020 0 Comments

Christmas the easiest time of year to burn out...

As a mother of four boys, including my autistic twins, I know too well what burn out and break down feels like. We spend so much time looking after everyone and everything else that we are constantly putting our own needs to the bottom of the to do list, until the point of no return when we are so stressed out that we explode like a coke can that’s been shaken up one too many times.

Christmas can be the easiest time of year for this to happen and it’s something I have massively struggled to juggle in the past, in fact two years ago my Christmas meltdown was what led me to start Self Love Detox!

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10/26/2020 0 Comments

Dressing to impress or express?

How many times have you ended up in a heap amongst a sea of clothes wondering what on earth you're going to wear and feeling deflated? I know I have countless times, somewhere to go and 'nothing' to wear - when really there's loads to wear I just didn't have the confidence to believe that I looked good enough. But good enough for who?

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10/19/2020 0 Comments

Why clairty?

I know I know, I'm always banging on about it but it is so important, in fact I believe it's the first step to truly accepting who you are and prepares you to begin your self love journey. Regaining some clarity on you.

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10/12/2020 0 Comments

Watch your mouth...

Person 1: You look amazing!
Demon sat on my shoulder: They’re lying.
Person 2: You have a lovely figure.
Demon: They wouldn’t be saying that if they saw you in a bikini
Person 3: You’re so beautiful!
Demon: They’re just saying that because they feel they have to.

For a long time I let that little demon sat on my shoulder fill my mind with negative stories, stories about how I was unworthy of love, how I was insignificant to everyone else and so much more.

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10/5/2020 0 Comments

One bad thing...

One bad thing does not equal a whole bad day, not even two or three bad things can ruin your day, unless you choose to!

This morning I had my first morning without my husband (yes I can say that now eeek!) I was feeling organised, for once, I had sorted out the snacks and some of the lunches the night before, I got up early and had breakfast and coffee, I was absolutely smashing it. Until I stood in dog shit...fresh and warm! Our Mollie doggy had sneaked up behind me while I was sorting the twins beds out and in the dark I stood barefoot in the poop. *Breatheeeeeeee* I pulled my big girl pants up, I cleaned up and got on with our morning, I severed the breakfast up for the four boys and then I hear a "Mummmmm what's this?" coming from the bathroom. With closer evaluation the dog had managed to get into the cat litter and dragged cat shit now through the bathroom and hall. *Breathe in and breathe outtttt* Happy Monday!

These alone could have ruined my morning, together they had the power to destroy my mood for rest of the day, however, I knew I had a choice to let it take a hold of me or to keep moving forward. I cleaned up again, sorted the boys out for school and everyone got out of the house on time. Now I'm home, child free and getting on with my morning actually being able to do some work without a child begging for a snack or ramming a car into my foot. We always have a choice, sometimes it's much easier to choose to go with a bad mood and end up binging Netflix instead of being productive and sometimes that is needed, it's okay to take time out but I had set my day up right, I didn't buy into the "Bad things happen in threes" story that I've grown up with all my life - anyone else ever heard of that? I used to do this and I'd literally be on the lookout with my binoculars for bad thing no. three to happen and it would because I was looking for it, I was willing it and wishing for it to fall in my lap.

We always have a choice, assess the situation, how you're feeling and what you've got to get done that day, do you need a 'bad day' or can you keep moving forward to having an amazing day?

With love & gratitude,

Ana Louise Bonasera

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5/12/2020 0 Comments

Ditch the food guilt

In the current time of the world we're in the middle of a pandemic and 7ish weeks into lockdown, if you haven't already right now might be a time where you're feeling guilty for reaching for the extra snacks. I want you to know that this is not your fault, it doesn't make you a bad person or a "greedy pig" you see emotions are running hight a the moment and if you are using food as a coping mechanism that's okay...

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12/23/2019 0 Comments

5 steps to surviving the holidays if you're feeling body conscious

Christmas holidays can bring some much needed family time but it can also bring some unwanted feelings and comments from others. It’s supposed to be magical and all about spending time with our loved ones but that little demon on your shoulder can creep in and bring in a big pile of presents labeled “guilt”. I know this all too well and I want to bring you 5 tips to survive the holidays to help you feel more body positive!

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12/3/2019 0 Comments

Confidence is not just for Christmas…

It’s the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrr (I truly hope you sang that with me!!) I love Christmas, all the cheery songs, the sparkly lights, time with family and friends but for some people this can be there complete worst nightmare. If you struggle with your self confidence and have low self esteem, the festive period can be a time where you spend forever trying to find an outfit that you feel comfortable in to wear to your Christmas party, when finally you settle for another black dress, trusting that old saying "black is flattering". Then when you do actually get there, you look around comparing yourself to every woman in the room and just wishing the ground would swallow you up because you feel like the fattest and ugliest one there. Maybe a slight exaggeration, but does that sound even a teeny bit familiar?

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11/17/2019 0 Comments

Has becoming body confident made my mental health worse?

Being a mother of four, my body has changed dramatically, I hated my body before pregnancy, fell in love with my bump during and after giving birth I looked in the mirror and saw an alien staring back at me. What on earth had happened to me?

This year I published my book 'Stretched' sharing my journey and how I found self love and body confidence. This year my mental health hit an all time low. I started to question, has being body confident and finding self love made my mental health worse?

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9/19/2019 0 Comments

STRETCHED...

When you become a mother and you have this gorgeous tiny bundle of joy that you’ve been cooking for approximately 9 months and anxiously awaiting to meet them, you hear all the stories…feeding, changing, sleeping, relationships changing with your partner but what nobody seems to talk about is how your relationship will change with your body.

I became a mother for the first time when I was 20 years old and fresh out of drama school. I remember standing in front of a floor to ceiling mirror and seeing the reflection of an alien looking back at me.

“Why did I still look 5 months pregnant?”
“What are these dimples on my butt and thighs?”
“Why are my boobs covered in stretch marks?”

I was clueless. I was disgusted. I felt completely alone and ashamed.

I had never seen this side of motherhood, in the movies and TV shows you never saw the reality of postpartum, they just had that new mother glow as they posed with their new born baby. Where was my new mother glow? Maybe I left the hospital too early and it’s waiting back there for me almost 7 years later…and three other children, definitely think I’ve missed it by now.

I battled with the negative thoughts going round in my head and I longed for a my pre baby body back, a body that I had spent most of my life verbally and physically abusing. How does that make any sense?

Anyone else look back at photos when you were younger and you were completely convinced you were ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ but really you look pretty good for a teenage girl!!

My relationship didn’t get any better with my body because 9 months later I fell pregnant again and this time it was twins. Yep, two for the price of one, thank you very much.

After I had the twins I became obsessed with losing weight. At 8 weeks postpartum I went on a drastic diet, it effected my mood and left me starving, I look back now and realise how dangerous it was.
You can read the full story in 'Stretched'.

Even once I'd lost 3 stone I still wasn't happy. Here in Marbella in 2016 I felt so uncomfortable, I ordered this custom made bikini but the cups were too big and I cried over my 'unbalanced' body.
You can read the full story in 'Stretched'.

I spent most of my pregnancy wishing it would end so I could get my "pre baby body back” which lead to a postpartum journey filled with diet after diet, obsessing over the scales, becoming addicted to working out and developing disordered eating.

Even when I had success and lost weight, more than I had even set out to, it still wasn’t enough. The scale wins didn’t make me happy, I hated my postpartum body. The stretch marks and cellulite weren’t even the worst of it. The mum tum, the over hang, the loose skin haunted me even when I had clothes on. Throughout this journey I also had to face being a single mother, unworthy thoughts ran through my mind as I convinced myself that no one would want to have sex with me, let alone be in a relationship with someone who has three children.

It took years and a lot of effort to mend my relationship with my body, my mind and my soul. I found happiness and self acceptance within myself to find self love and body confidence.

My third postpartum journey was completely different, I was kind to myself, I gave myself time to heal, I exercised when I was ready and because I wanted to not to 'burn off that pizza'. I ate food, I kept my body fuelled, with healthy food and with whatever I desired, no restrictions no battling 'good or bad foods'. My mental health thanked me for it, I didn't battle with my brain through negative thoughts of my body or worrying about what others think. I wasn't counting down the days till I could start a diet and I didn't feel desperate to get my 'pre baby body back'. I made peace with my mum bod and I now celebrate how amazing it is and for what it has got me through in life. I will forever be grateful for how my body has carried my children and is still going strong. I wear my stretch marks, my cellulite, my mum tum with pride, these are all part of my story, my trophies.

In May 2019 I made the decision to write a book sharing my journey and how I came to love my body 'flaws' and all. Four weeks later I had written my first draft, 32,500 words of my life on a word document. I have been very raw and real with the stories I have shared in there, some I wanted to take out, but I left them in in hope that it will help stop someone from making the same mistakes I did.

We need the truth. We need reality. Not reality TV, but real mothers, real bodies, real stories of all variety. We have to be the start of this new 'trend' just being real.

'Stretched: A mother's journey to love her 'flaws' and how you can too'

Here she is, this is actually a lot harder than the actual writing, getting it published and putting my life out there for the world to see. I got quite emotional yesterday but I persist because I am determined to empower 10,000 women by the end of 2020 conquer their body image issues and guide them on their self love journey. It's a big mission, so lets get going!!

In May 2019 I ran the 'Celebrate You' 10K in your underwear in London, before hand anxiety took over and I doubted whether I could do it, but I knew how empowering it would be for others. I am proud to show my body off just as it is. This story is the start of 'Stretched' and finishes the first half of the book too. I actually wrote the beginning part on the train on the way to London while fighting through floods of tears.

She's published, she's out now, she's ready to go and empower women all over the world to conquer their body image issues. Not only have I shared my story, but I've complied all the best steps I've taken over the many years to get to where I am today. If you know someone who needs some guidance on their self love journey whether they're a mother or not, I believe that one or all of my 12 steps will make a positive impact on their life.

Always remember, you are never alone, we've got your back. If you need some girl power inspo or support please feel free to come and join our Facebook safe space. I can't wait to hear what you think, enjoy 'Stretched'.

With love & gratitude,
Ana Louise Bonasera

Safe space

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